Fear and Love

Fear.  An ailment that seems to be very commonly found in the minds and hearts of us humans.  There is fear in our future and fear in our present.  There is fear for our children and spouses.  There is fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of opinions. There is fear of that fallen angel and the power he boasts of.  We fear the thief.. the valleys.. the hard.  And we fear that end called death.
It can be very real.  It has many captives. Holding them tight… just enough air to breathe but not enough to thrive. 
For her it is real. She lives in a place where one is raised always being told “be strong.” ..a place where you pick yourself up when you fall down. ..Where though there is weakness, it is well hidden.  So when that liquid welled and fell down.. tracing its path across her cheek I knew it was serious. And so I sat back down and waited for her to talk.  Dad had been in jail for 2 days.  He was a hustler… selling little things.. making money where he could.  Every evening they ate their one meal with the money he could get throughout the day.  And so since he hadn’t come.. food hadn’t been there.  Eight of them.. for 2 days.  And grandma was in the hospital in the country.. no family there with her to help her through.  And something was crippling the cousin.  And sickness was falling on different members of the family.  And it all looked so impossible.. and we tried to encourage.  Jesus see’s.. Jesus knows.  He is holding you.  But no matter the words I could see it wasn’t hitting the mark.  And I knew what she was thinking but didn’t really want to go there.  But finally I asked..
                “you think its witchcraft?”
And her head turned and her shining dripping eyes met mine and she nodded.  Finally words that spoke to the inner turmoil.  Yeah, in her mind that seemed like the only explanation.  And I sat there sending up silent prayers for words and wisdom that I didn’t have. 
This was something I had never grown knowing.  Sure you hear stories.. but never in my life did I ever see its practical affects.  Where I lived there weren’t signs on every other light post that read “Mganga” and listed the number for consultation below.  I didn’t see on television the footage recounting the affects.  
So I sat there at such a lack.  Not knowing much on that front.. but the one thing I DID know was my Jesus! And so that is what we talked about. 
Greater is He.  He is in me.  I am in Him.  The cross.  The Complete Victory and utter defeat of every other when He rose.  He is truth.. other voices may speak.. may whisper and masquerade a power.  But they are impotent words.  A charade for us who have been brought into The Fold. 
Then we prayed.  Because words don’t mean much.  This is something that needs to be known.. in head and heart.  It needs to be felt too.  She needs to see Him protecting.. she needs to hear Him singing His love song over her.  She needs that experience.
The other day I heard a man talk of this very thing.  He said something like this.. ‘Just a crack… just a narrow opening.. just a slight break down and we think that the enemy of our souls is going to come rushing in.  We hear those preaching’s… “just crack the door.. and he is gonna come crashing through.”  But you can open the door WIDE to Jesus and nothing is going to happen.’ 
We believe more in the power of him who has fallen than He who was RAISED and IS REIGNING.
We read that “perfect love casts out fear.” 
And that perfect love isn’t a feeling.. it’s a Person.  His name is Jesus. So according to the bible.. this is Jesus…
Jesus suffers long and is kind; Jesus does not envy; Jesus does not parade Himself, is not puffed up; Jesus does not behave rudely, does not seek His own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; Jesus does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; Jesus bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  JESUS NEVER FAILS.
In song of Solomon we read of His utter delight in us, His bride.  How He wants to go away with us… to hear our voice… How we are sweet and lovely in His sight.  He sees no spot in us.. we ravish His heart with a SINLGE glance.  He seeks us out.. His desire is for us.  His desire is for you. 
so maybe the answer for her.. for us.. is to spend time with this Lover of our souls.  To surrender ourselves to Him and let Him reveal Himself to us.  To get away with Him and let Him speak to us.. and surround us with His love.  To rise early and read His Holy love letter.. to speak often with Him.   Maybe its time for us to start living like He is really there.  To wake up and greet Him.. to drive to work with Him in the passenger seat.. to eat our lunch with Him.. to rock that baby with Him.. to wash the dishes with Him.. to plow the field with Him.  Young ladies.. go on dates with your Jesus.  Young man.. go fishing.. go on a drive in your truck with this Greatest friend. Mom.. Dad.. sit on the porch with Him.. go on a walk with Him… Mow the yard with Him.  Acknowledge that He is there and then ACT like it.  Don’t just wait to meet Him on Sunday morning in that pew.. or at that altar.. He is HERE NOW!!! 
and as you know Love… watch fear slip quietly into the background. 
for we who have been redeemed carry within us that life that trumps ALL!
When we have walked with Real Love, and have come to know Truth Himself.. when we have that knowledge and experience.. when our ears are trained to hear Him and our eyes drawn to His beauty.. there simply won’t be time for any other voices to speak into our lives. 
Then maybe if we are forced to kneel in the sand by the sea and hear words of hate spoken and then have to surrender our necks to the blade we can do it with a smile because we see it as a Grand entrance into the presence of that One in whom we find Greatest delight!!! 

Living and Learning

You know life is interesting. 
This moment that you are alive you are at the highest capacity of knowledge since the day you emerged into this world.  It is only after you have lived another couple hours.. or days.. or years that you can look back with greater understanding on this moment.  On this decision you are making.. on this path you are walking.. on this judgment or choice you are making. 
And these days…. The looking back has caused me to walk a little humbler.. to admit a bit quicker that, you know what…. I DON’T have this thing figured out!
I am sure that any of you who have walked with the Lord long can relate… I think we all at one point or another have been at that point of “having things figured out.”  WE know what is best for our life…. and WE also know what is best for others lives.  We look around and pat ourselves on the back for having life figured out.  We nod in agreement with the voice that says, “you’ve got this.” Only later to realize that the speaker did not have our best interest in mind.. and in fact was rubbing his hands together as he dreamed of our destruction.. holding a faux gold crown that sparkled with plastic diamonds eager to place it on our brow as if “we got this.”
It was not long ago that I stood in that place.  I stood at the top of my mountain and looked around pleased with where I was at.. and eager to “help” those who still needed to arrive, and together join me in my perfect service and understanding of who God was and how He worked. Even though I may have not arrived at the destination I deemed myself worthy and capable of arriving at I was pleased to be well on my way.  Through bible reading, and biography reading I had a journey mapped out that I was sure would please the Lord.  I “knew” how things should be done.. I knew what He wanted. 
And so I stepped out onto the path I had “helped” God map.  Always quick to declare that this was what God was leading me to do.  But was He?  And started doing things the way I had heard and seen other “worthy” saints do them.. sure that God would want me to do it THIS way.. and that He was pleased.  But did He? And was He? 
With every day He allows me to see the sun rise from my grated window I realize the more that I don’t really have a clue… and back then I CERTAINLY didn’t have a clue.  I thought I knew what was best… and I thought He was leading me… but maybe it was just God letting me choose. ..And then carrying me through the mess I made and lovingly teaching me through it all.  Showing me who I am.. and showing me that HE IS. 
He has been absolutely faithful for every step.  He has always been there.. when I turned to Him I always found Him… but He let me go ahead and walk… and I walked, and planned, and did, at first.. with some measure of “success”.. until I moved to a place where my ability to control was more limited.. and the circumstances and events were different from what I had ever faced before.  And slowly(extremely so) I began to see that holly doesn’t actually have the answers. And holly doesn’t actually know what’s best.  And holly cant fix that one.  And holly doesn’t have the answer for that one.  And holly doesn’t have the ability to love that one.  And I began to see that it is JESUS.  That HE knows.  HE can.  HE does.  HE IS. 
This stuff can be hard to admit at first.. so you just keep it between The Trinity, your journal, and yourself.  Amazed by what you are learning.. and loving this new taste of freedom.  Freedom from striving, and doing, and producing from a failing source.  Then you admit it to that faithful friend who has put up with you for years… apologizing from the manifestation of flesh she has had to live with.  And then you receive emails and interact with people who praise you and talk about all the good you are doing.. and how you inspire them.. and what a sacrifice… and you cant keep it back anymore.  Because you know that many of them probably know Christ at a deeper level.. and probably they are following Him in closer obedience than you ever have. 
You realize that this Christian walk is a lot more personal than you had thought.  That just because it worked for them doesn’t mean it will work for you.  And just because you do it this way doesn’t mean she should.  You see that we are all different and called in different ways.  That He has different ways of working in each individual.  And that it is ALL for His glory.  You find yourself walking through things that two years earlier you had judged someone else for doing.  You remember that book you had read about the missionary who never took a sabbatical.. and how you had firmly agreed with her.. and looked down your nose at those who did.  God ever so gently reminds you of this as you sit under a tree in the park hiding from the noise and need and knocks on the door you would be having if you were currently at home.  You remember those times in the past year where you had to get away for a weekend or week because of exhaustion and the people who were always needing you.
 And you admit your lack, and foolishness, and weakness and feel yourself fill with His Grace, and His strength, and His power. 
And as we sat there and talked… we realized.  Maybe a lot of our work was for our own checklist.. or from the checklist we had formed from sermons and books.  And maybe it was as much or more for the approval of others as it was for the approval of God.  And that this thing we call ministry.. that the world and the church applauds and upholds is one of the more dangerous things a person can ever embark on.  If not careful and watchful and prayerful.. it can begin to fulfill.. and satisfy… you can begin reading your bible for the next lesson instead of for your personal growth and correction.   In our minds we can begin to reduce God to someone who helps us.. someone to work for.. instead of this Great Lover and Friend and Savior and King.  And before long you can find yourself clinging to ministry and your works for justification and access into that throne room.
BUT THANKS BE TO GOD WHO DOES NOT LEAVE US IN THAT PLACE. And thanks be to God that He redeems.. and works in us to sanctify and free and renew.  And thanks be to the One who takes us in our mess and still works good and brings change and shines into others lives.  Thanks be to Him who works ALL things for our good and His glory. 

I guess I could call this ‘confessions of a teen/young twenties missionary.’  Confessions of someone who thought she knew but now is sure that she doesn’t.  And thought she was strong but now can only boast in her weakness.  Confessions of someone who isn’t.. and has not.. but serves and is indwelled by The One who has and who IS!!
Hallelujah!! What an AWESOME God we serve!!!!

So dear person reading this…. Read your bible.. and pray… and walk through each day with your Lord.  Revel in His presence.  Sit on the couch and talk to Jesus sitting in that chair next to you.  While you do laundry.. talk to Him. When you are alone in the car.. switch of the radio and TALK TO GOD.  Live each day with Him.. Make Him your dearest friend.  Your closest confidant. 
Abide in Christ… and then when He is dwelling in you and you are satisfied and fulfilled and overflowing with Him… you will find that all the things of this earth and all those people talking and those checklists will grow strangely dim.. in the light of His glory and grace.  And people will be changed.. and ministry will happen in third world countries and offices and grocery stores and on street corners as Jesus does what ONLY He can do through vessels surrendered and given and madly in LOVE with HIM.

A New Year

It is 2015. Can you believe it? Have you sat and thought and wrote that list?  That list that will inspire and motivate for about another.. oh, lets say, 15 days.  ..Until the dust settles or something is thrown on top.  It seems crazy to me how we do it again and again.  As if somehow THIS year we will be able to muster up the strength and discipline.   As if WE have anything to muster up within ourselves…
I like how Mike Wells said it… when people ask him, he says his goal in the coming year is to become a weaker Christian.  And this year… that is my prayer!
To become more dependent upon Christ.  To see at a greater depth that “I can’t,” only HE CAN.  To have my eyes open and sight sensitive to that fact that I am not… HE IS.  To echo the words of the God Man as He walked this earth.. that I can do nothing of myself.(john 5:19)  And I don’t seek my own will but the will of Him who sent me.(john 5:30)  And I do nothing of myself, but as My Father teaches me.. Those things I speak.(john 8:28)  To decrease so that He might increase.  To boast all the more gladly in my infirmities, that the POWER of God might rest upon me.  To embrace and confess my lack.. My weakness so that His power might be perfected in me.(2cor 12:9)  
                FOR WHEN I AM WEAK, THEN AM I STRONG!
I am not saying goals and aspirations are not good… I just think it all depends on how we plan on reaching and attaining them.  Is it going to be me or Christ?!
Where does my faith and trust lie this year? In MY strength? In MY wisdom? In MY ability to do good? In the ministry I do? In the job I hold? In family or friends? In MY plan? In My bank account? 
I think all of us to a certain extent still cling to some of these things.  Whether we would like to admit it or not.  Of course when someone asks we will always shake our heads and boldly confess that we have nothing of our own.. that this world is not our home.  But when push comes to shove.. and God asks us to relinquish and let go… I have found there to be a lot of wrestling.. a lot of questioning.. a lot of reasoning from my feeble logic.  As if what I am currently holding so tightly too is better than what He would give.  As if my wisdom and vision for life is superior to the One who speaks galaxies into existence.  And when I tear away the layers and look at myself for who I am I find the idea of trusting in anything save Christ to be but folly.  His ways are higher, bigger, and better! I want to follow Him.. I want to trust in Him.. More.  I want to fling away this notion that I have anything to bring to the table and then have empty vessel and empty arms that can be filled with Himself.. with His life. 
And with that perspective.. and that vision a new year is exciting! I look forward to the journey… to the greater depths of Christ I will come to know.  I look forward to the people He will bring into my life.  I anticipate the adventure the ministry.  I look ahead with peace in my heart at the changes and trials KNOWING that He is working all things for my good and His glory!!
Praise be unto His name!!
We took a three week break for Christmas and New Years to relax and enjoy.   And enjoy we did!!! The hands on the wall were a little higher than normal when we would get out of bed! We visited friends.. played games… cleaned the house…. drank coffee… ate some good food.. read books… and soaked up every moment that God granted.  It was truly refreshing!  Christmas was spent with each other and our favorite men! J  Thanks to a sweet brother we got to spend three nights and four days at one of the nicest hotels in Nairobi.  The first day there I was reminded what a gift laughter is! ..because banks were closed that day.. so we were carefully guarding our precious last shillings… and then there is a cab fee to pay.. and an insurance fee for the room… and then we stand at the reception desk with smiles as we are told breakfast is KSH3000 per person and we realize we will be fasting while we spend 4 days in luxury.   We walked up the stairs laughing… and then I stepped in the shower and the hunger suddenly became SO worth it! But banks DID open the next day.. so we decided since we didn’t feel particularly ‘called’ that it would be okay to enjoy the culinary services!!  We came back thoroughly cleaned and refreshed!
After three weeks of break it was so fun to see those sweet little faces again last Saturday! Apparently my muscles had forgotten how much effort those days take.  We slipped under the covers and into bed like a walrus slipping into the refreshing depths of rolling blue after a long day!  But we enjoyed.. and they enjoyed.. and we look forward to growing together in the coming year!! 
Saturday we also resumed BTS.  I didn’t know teens grew so much in three weeks.  Not sure where they are getting the miracle grow.. but its working! We played games and talked and had a great time catching up.  All of the teachers will be meeting tomorrow night to discuss the coming year, put a lesson plan on paper.  What a joy and privilege to be able to watch the Lord do His work in young lives.  We will miss those that are headed to boarding school.. but look forward to new faces that will be joining!  This year we pray that God would give grace for teaching and learning and loving without bounds and with an energy unlimited given from above!
As Im typing this there is a little man stomping around the house, hands outstretched, growling… just begging for someone to come and play.  Chris is back!! He is walking and talking and getting into everything.  He loves tractors and big trucks… he nearly loses his mind when one passes on the street.  He is learning his animal sounds and will drag books about his size from the bookshelf to your lap with eyes asking for a story.  He is full of life and is sure to bring lots of laughter!!
These next couple months are full with kids and family visiting and two becoming one.. we are excited for what they hold and covet your prayers as we each walk the path that has been set before us! It will be new and different.. but it will be sweet! We look forward to what God has in store.  We will try and keep you all updated on what is doing! Thank you so much for caring and sharing! We are thankful!

Life as a Spiket

Recently in my free time I have been delightfully devouring a book by C.S. Lewis.  Usually the best chance to crack open the pages is in the evening after the house has been reassembled and the last of the hugs have been given and goodnights said.  The other night there was a quote that caught my attention, it goes something like this…             “the Glory flows into everyone, and back from everyone: like light and mirrors. But the light’s the thing.”And so it is with our lives.. and with this thing people have called “ministry.”  We are the mirrors, the clay.. the branch abiding.  It isn’t about us.. it isn’t because of us.  It is about Him.. and most CERTAINLY it is ALL because of Him. 
I was thinking this morning and I just thought of my life as an old rusty spicket… The sort that can be found behind some old dilapidated abandoned farm house.. long forgotten since the discovery of indoor plumbing.  And so someone comes ambling by… and stops and opens the valve and waits…. And out sputters water… first only a few drops.. Scaring out a resident spider or two.  Then comes the slow study stream of water… red with rust and dirt.  And the ambling, searching, seeking, soul finds no reprieve… nothing to satisfy here and so he wanders on.  See this world is full of people searching… people thirsty.. and when they are exposed to us through conversation or observation what are they seeing? ..what are they receiving from us? 
You see we are like that spicket… we give what is inside.  And if we are not choosing Christ… if we are not abiding and drawing from His living water.. the only thing we have to offer is this rusty water contaminated with anger and jealousies and selfishness. We have nothing of peace.. nothing of joy… nothing of hope to offer.   Often the soul that has come to us has long been tasting of that stagnant water..
they need something more.
We need something more!
And we have learned and found again and again that this life… this journey is nothing about us.  It has always been Him.. and it must ALWAYS be, if this world is to receive anything of value.. anything to satisfy.  We must be drawing from a well, an inside.. filled with Christ! Then the people on the street, the people in the office and the people in our home will be exposed to Living water.. spilling over and sufficient for all.
Hallelujah!! ..it is Christ!

Since the last update life has looked a bit different.  And it has been a blessing.. and God has been faithful!
We are now a good month into doing the feeding program in the new location.  I think the change of environment has breathed new life into us and we tackle Saturday mornings with excitement.  A school has generously allowed us to use their facility for a small fee.  Most of the familiar little faces have found their way to us by now, along with a good number of new ones.. curious to see what is happening behind the door.  It usually doesn’t take them long to run home and return with their plate.. or container.. or plastic sack.. eager to enjoy a hot meal! We also feed the high school students who are at school studying on Saturdays.  Wish all of you could come and join in on the fun.  There has been water fights.. near spillage of beans too heavy… jump-rope in the rain.. and loud robust praise to the Lord from little mouths awaiting food to fill.  We thank God!!!
Our house is the new meeting place for the BTS(Born To Shine) mentoring program.  So nearly every night we have between 25 and 30 preteens filling ALL the space between our walls.  Around six o’clock our house gets a whole lot hotter, louder, and livelier.  We keep the same schedule and try to share the responsibility of teaching as evenly as we can.  It has given us the awesome privilege of getting to know them much better.  What a blessing to grow in Christ together.  All of us teaching and learning as we interact. Last Saturday we had a birthday party to allow them to join in on celebrating our 22^nd year.  It was so cute as some of them came up to us with small gifts they had bought for us.. a sucker.. some bisquits..a bracelet.   It warmed our hearts! They are so dear! The growth that we are witnessing is incredible.  I think being with them day in and day out can sometimes make these changes easy to miss.. but when we sit down and take time to actually consider it we are left with big smiles and thankful hearts!  Just last night no one was showing up for prayers so we had considered it off when a group of girls came flying through the gate and in between gasps for breathe explained the delay and asked if they could go ahead and pray… “They would lead it," they said. So we said sure and got to sit and listen as they organized themselves and began.  Their time was limited but they managed to spend time thanking God for their lives and everything in them.. and then they prayed for their families.. the orphans… and the persecuted church.  Wow! It was so encouraging.  I think when I was their age the persecuted church was not something I had ever considered! In a culture of “give-me” we are seeing them share and care for others.  In a culture of demanding.. we are hearing “Please, can you help me with.”  When left on their own we sometimes walk in to hear them sharing different things they have been reading in their bibles.  Certainly God is not done working here.. but the progress is Great cause for thanksgiving! School is now finished until next year so we have been trying to organize something for them to do everyday for at least 2 hours to keep them busy, together, and away from less desirable influence.  They have made Christmas cards for orphans, taken food to widows and families in need, done chores for various families and gone on two prayer walks.  Let me tell you.. a walking trail of 25 or so kids and two mzungus quiet in prayer causes people to look twice!! We are loving the opportunity to grow and serve together!!  Forgetting ourselves and our own situations and serving others proves to be SUCH a blessing!
Last week found us sitting in a house unlike anything we had ever seen.  It was a service day for BTS and we decided to visit the home where three of our members stay.  The daughter that lives there is one of our most involved and “on fire” kiddos in BTS.  A week or two before she had made a comment in passing about how she “slept in the ‘big’ chair and sometimes her little brother would too.”  And there we sat, staring at that ‘chair’ and remembering the comment.  All the foam and padding had been worn down and disappeared until all that was left was a small pad on which to sit.  One arm was missing and the whole chair sat at an angle.  Her mother sat in it that day.  Tears chasing each other down her cheek as she thanked us and asked if we could help.   She has six children of her own.. the oldest sixteen and the youngest one and a half.  Her husband doesn’t have a job and she has one but the little that comes in just doesn’t do it.  And in spite of not having enough for them she has also cared for an in-laws child since he was 5.  She said with a smile “he is now one of my babies.”  And our mouths were shut in wonder.  Our eyes traced the rough dirt walls.. and bare floors. They were exposed and open… not covered like in every other home I have entered.  There was the ‘big chair’ and one other in similar condition and a few crude stools for sitting.  And one bed.. and one small mat on the chair.  Besides the basins under the bed and a small cupboard in the corner.. that was all. Nine people.. and that was all.  She said thank you for what we are doing or her children.  Sharing how her daughter previously stubborn and unwilling, now does chores without being asked.. eager to help!  On and on she talked.. sharing her story.  A story of poverty and pain.
               But we serve a Redeemer.  We serve a Mighty Rescuer.  There is a Light that wants to envelope her.. wants to consume her and her family.  There is Someone who wants to be her Provider.  There is Someone who has sustained her thus far.. and for a reason! So we are trusting and praying!! There is a better life for her than making and selling alcohol.. and struggling in darkness.  She needs a revelation of Life!!!! Our visit ended with a wet skirt clear through thanks to her sweet baby asleep on my chest.  A one and a half year old.. without pants nor diaper.. asleep.. its inevitable! :D   
We are currently in the process of registering this whole organization thing with the government as a Society.  It would give us a wider scope into which we can reflect the Light.  We are excited about that and ask for your prayers!
Thanks for all of your caring and praying and giving! You are a blessing!

waiting for lunch :)

brought baby siz!

awesome BTS helpers!!

Birthday snacks

everyone brought their own cup for chai

the people that it in the house

Chris and mama!

the crew!

The Lord is the Maker of them All...

Go back with me.... lets say August 2008...
The alarm goes off. I reach over and thrash about until i find the noisy culprit and grouchily flip it into silence. I lay there a few moments longer underneath the mound of covers dreading that moment when I am forced to emerge from such comfort. I finally convince myself and scurry to the shower.. and return to my room to take my place there in the doorway of my closet staring at my rack FULL of clothes wondering what on earth i can wear. Mostly i peruse the newest additions... just recently added to begin this new year of school. Clothes come off the hanger slip over my head and fall to the floor as i assess my options. Finally it is decided and i fly down the stairs to stand in the doorway of another "closet" as I face the next dilemma of my morning. What to eat for breakfast. There is the different boxes of cereal.. there is toast.. eggs... last nights supper.. so many options. I open the refrigerator grab the juice and pour some in a glass as i sit down to eat my first meal of the day. My eyes scan the newspaper dad had brought in from the mailbox before he left for work quickly flipping the pages until they settle on the comics. ..My stomach and mind being delighted all at once. I run to do my hair and put my "face" on... steal several last glances in the mirror and then run out the door and hop in the car with my best friend as we head off for our first day of school. (16 with a passenger wasn't necessarily legal at this point :D )
This marked the end of two months of "freedom." Sleeping in late... swimming... white arms turning tan under the watchful rays of the sun.. shopping.. spending the money we made from the different jobs we had... staying up late around camp fires and in front of screens catching the latest movie. At 16 that was "THE LIFE!" Boys were on the brain and parents were seen as obstacles in our road to freedom. We were flying high.. with the radio blasting. Responsibilities were minimal and we took full advantage. I look back on this time and there are some good memories and we still get good laughs from some of those crazy days. There was a lot of wasted time and energy but we thank God that He didn't leave us there. Soon after, we both started feeling the call to come away from that path that was so wide with distraction whose end was destruction.. and to follow a wholly different way. We looked at our lives and realized we were really standing in miry clay and desperately needed saving! And we found The Savior... or rather He found us!

And now... we are here. And we have another 16 year old in our lives.. but her story looks a little different.
She wakes up in a house the size of that bedroom that used to be strewn with my clothes and shoes. Her alarm is the cries of her baby sister who joined the family several months back. She rises and in the darkness of the morning and dresses herself and her baby boy and heads out the door.. walking along the dirt paths crossing numerous streams and ditches to be in school by 6. There is no wondering what wear... she has one uniform. There isn't a bathroom with a nice shower to wash the sleep from her eyes. There is no wondering what to eat. Instead of bringing in the newspaper her dad brings in alcohol on his breathe and violence in his hands. She gets out of school at 5 that evening and hurries home to change before arriving at our door to pick the little man that shares her eyes. She sits a spell and then heads back down to her home to attend to the numerous chores and homework that awaits.
When she has a break from school there is no swimming... and there is no shopping unless she can find a place to earn money. Dad doesn't have any extra cash to give to his eldest daughter.. it is needed to quench a thirst that never is satisfied. She helps her mom take care of the 5 littler ones and there is her own that needs her attention. And she works.. usually washing someone's laundry. When asked to go out to eat chicken and fries for lunch she eagerly consents. We don't go far... just out of the slum to a place nearby... a 10 minute ride. And food is placed in front of us and we eat.. and talk. She shares that she has never been this "far" out of the slum. I wonder at that statement. 16 years spent in the slum... never leaving.. food is bought at local shops and when new clothes are required there is the local market. Always just those same paths... the same dirt and dirtiness. The chicken fulfills its destiny and is fully enjoyed.. as is evidenced by fingers licked and a smile shining. But half is saved and wrapped in a napkin to take home to the little ones who wait. When school is on break there is one meal a day in her home... the same thing 7 days a week, ugali and skuma. Tea in the morning to get them by until dad makes it home at night.
Lots of neighbor girls share her situation. Girls like we were in 2008 but they with young ones that share their features gracing their hips. In her school there are at least six other girls who have children. She said one has a six year old. Many around her simply drop out and forget school and what could come after that... submitted to living the life that they have always known. But she has chosen school... trusting there is something MORE to life than babies.. and men taking.. and then leaving you to deal with the one growing inside.
She has dreams for the future... 3 more years of school and then she wants to get a job so she can help her mom and siblings.
At 16 i don't think many of us were considering finishing school so we could support our family.So we encourage and help when we have the resources sufficient. She comes to church and listens and learns and we speak of the ONE who can do something. The only One who change this all and give hope and a future. We pray and trust that the Spirit is working and that eyes would be unveiled and her heart will receive revelation and LIFE.

Sometimes we talk and wonder if there is something MORE we should be doing right now. Moving all the way to Africa to babysit?! We were doing that back at home... but now we don't get paid. And people ask about ministry and we tell them and wonder what goes through their mind. There is the mentoring every evening and the bible study and feeding on Saturdays... but... babysitting??? And someone with an evil voice bent on our destruction speaks and says.. "and you expect people to support you?" "your wasting your time... your wasting their time." And we rebuke the evil and turn to the pages of scripture.. Then we see how the angels rejoice over just ONE. and why should we do any less?!
So by His strength and grace alone we will be faithful where He has placed us as we pray and seek ways to serve Him and the one's like her better!

 

One Year

Last Wednesday marked one year. One year has passed since the plane touched down in the dark and we stepped out onto the ground of our new home. We came not knowing much except that this is where we were supposed to be. We had no organization backing us up.. no ministry established.. no work permit. But we were here!
Slowly we settled in and got used to this new life. We were carried by strength not our own further into the endless frontier of knowing and experiencing our God. Each day widening our vision.. opening our minds.. beckoning us to come take another step along the path. Some days we grew weary of the unknown.. weary of the waiting. But we would pick up the Word and find encouragement to keep on. We learned thankfulness... to wake up with expectation.. to grab each moment and cherish it. To thank Him for days that stretched quiet.. time allowed for growth and digging deep into Him... for preparation. It made days that could have been ordinary.. sparkle and shine with life. We learned how to live with someone else... we were brought face to face with our selfishness and need for our Savior. We have got to experience the sufficiency of His grace and strength.. to love and hold and play with the stream of little ones that came through our various doors. We found His wisdom available for the hard conversations and tough personalities. We learned a little bit of holding loosely to possessions and homes. We saw His perfectly timed provision when it looked like we had reached the end of funds.
It has been a year of growth and roots reaching deeper and hearts and minds being blown open to the endless possibilities of Him!
He has been COMPLETELY faithful.
He will ALWAYS will be completely faithful.
..and this is the only the beginning. we still have endless hills to climb.. valleys to cross.. and plains to traverse. The frontier stretches out... ever before us!! Oh, isn't life rich?! :)
The BTS program last week went great! Thanks to the tireless efforts of brothers and sisters willing to serve. Truly we have been so blessed to be able to share in ministry with so many here. The kids got to learn how to make banana shakes and marble art work.. they learned about communication.. choices and consequences... growing in character.. and they had teaching on foundational Christianity. They got to praise and pray and learn and play together for three days. They would come early and stay late.. taking advantage of every moment they could. Friday God provided and we were able to take them for a day of swimming. Laughter and splashing echoed all around. We are thankful for all who made it possible! We know that Gods word is spoken and accomplishes what it set out to do.. it doesn't return void.. so we look forward to seeing how lives are changed! We pray that as they head back to school they would infect and affect their environments and shine the light of Jesus like thirty little cities blazing from the top of a hill! All praise and thanksgiving to our Great God!!
As we look ahead to another year... excited to think what it is going to hold.. anticipating a closer and sweeter communion with Jesus we find a challenge in Exodus. In chapter 36 it says:
"Then Moses called Bezalel and Aholiab, and every gifted artisan in whose heart the Lord had put wisdom, everyone whose heart was stirred, to come and do work. And they received from Moses all the offerings which the children of Israel had brought for the work of the service of making the sanctuary. So they continued bringing to him freewill offerings every morning. Then all the craftsmen who were doing the work of the sanctuary came, each from the work he was doing, and then spoke to Moses, saying, "The people bring much more than enough for the service of the work which the Lord commanded us to do." ch.36:2-5
... the children of Israel brought much more than was needed for the work. And I look a my own life... and i want that. Too often my fingers are tightly grasping, sweat dampening what God has given me. I forget what I have has been given, and instead cling to it as if it is my possession. I hoard it.. keeping my hands tucked by my sides my eyes darting to see if any observe. I forget His hands outstretched... relinquishing all.. as He, the spotless Lamb of God, was raised to the sky between two thieves. And i draw my arms in tight... and curl fingers 'round...
It is our prayer that this year we would learn to FREELY give and FREELY love... holding nothing back so that the Word of the Lord may run swiftly.. and be Glorified!!!
That we may run into the sunset called eternity with arms open wide... wind blowing through fingers outstretched! Giving our all... our BEST.. to the One who truly gave ALL!

One year ago... ready to head out

reading their bibles!

Nicko teaching

young men in the making!

art class

the results

Saturday feeding program

"As Perpetual Incense"

Aaron was to burn incense always. Every morning he was to burn sweet incense. When he tends the lamps.. he was to burn incense. At twilight he was to burn incense. It says.. "a perpetual incense before the Lord throughout your generations." As i read that phrase "perpetual incense," it resonated within me. Isnt that what my life is to be?! A never ending swirl of smoke and fire ascending before the throne of my God. Not only spreading upward but also outward. Infecting the atmosphere.
You know when i think about it we are all incense of some kind i guess. We are all giving off something.. leaving some kind of lingering impression. Our words and actions dont go without noticing. They all affect something or someone. The way i handle myself affects the atmosphere of my home.. it affects the atitudes of those i brush shoulders with. Am i leaving the aroma of Christ.... or the stench of "all about me?" My attitudes.. my preoccupations.. they dont just affect me. Am i the pebble or the giant stone upon the surface of the water of the soul. Do i leave gentle ripples... spreading Christ's love as they expand. Or do i come crashing down.. and water shoots up... and spreads in waves to engulf all it in its path?! It is convicting!! I pray that in His faithful ways He will teach me how to walk in ways that please Him and cause others to see His greatness... His beauty.. His worth!! Oh that i would be as perpetual incense before the Lord affecting the generations for His glory!!
This past week was a blur of tall dark beautiful girl bouncing around our house... waking us in the mornings... attempting funny English.. filling the spaces between the walls with laughter. A local church had a week long VBS and brought in 17 children from there mission post in northeastern Kenya. We had the privilege of hosting a beautiful 13 year old young lady. The life she knows is quite different from the privileged and royal life we have here in Nairobi. There was a bed.. and a pillow and more than enough food... new clothes.. and elevators and escalators( OH MY!!) There was the fizz tickling her throat as coke was drank down.. there were forks(who needs em anyway?) ... and ear buds.. and new friends. We were reminded of the things we take for granted!! We got to exercise our Swahili knowledge.. and enjoy her phone conversations home in her mother tongue! One night when we came back from BTS i found some music on YouTube in her language and got to watch as beads were pulled out and she danced. Later we showed her our attempts and our ears were filled with laughter as she nearly collapsed at our attempts! Needless to say we all enjoyed the moments we had!! Now she is back home in the heat and desert atmosphere... we look forward to the day we are able to go visit and step into her world!
Schools are on break right now.. we have one more week before all the kiddos are back to the books. Next week we are hoping to have another BTS week. Lord willing we will have at least 3 days of teaching. Depending on the budget for lunch and material we will decide how many days we can do it. The last time we had a week like this there was a big turn out so we are looking forward to it.. and praying that God will bring them through the door! We would ask you who are reading this to join us in prayer. That the teachers would be prepared... that the hearers hearts would be soft and open to receive and that Gods word would be sent forth and believed!! In all things that He would be praised and lifted high!!
It has been encouraging to see little glimpses of change in some of their lives. In the bible study.. in prayers.. in discussion we know that Gods word is being sent forth into their lives and it will not return void. Our responsibility is simply to be obedient.. to freely share and freely give.... not to work for results but to be faithful to carry out our calling. But when God gives us glimpses of change it does inject some added joy.. it adds fire to the flame! Some of the questions asked show that there is movement there within the soul!! The prayers and discussions we have here during the girls bible study... all sitting tightly packed into our little room.. never fail to leave a smile on our lips and joy in our heart. To see the young ladies catch a vision for what life and womanhood CAN be... what a privilege to walk with them into that endless frontier!
The little men that keep our days busy with feeding and changing and playing are growing! I am forever thinking it is impossible for them to get any cuter... but then a tooth comes through.. or laughter escapes... or a wobbly step is taken with arms flailing... or he wakes up from a nap and reaches his little hands out towards you.. and you fall a little harder. The day is brighter with each smile and giggle!! Laundry is so much more enjoyable when there are jeans rolled up with little toes dangling.. suds all around. Washing dishes brings more joy(and more water on the floor) when little hands want to "help". Sweeping the floor seems less monotonous when there is someone holding on to your leg walking beside you. The only thing with the laundry one is that you have to be careful.. because who knows maybe he will think it looks so inviting that his hands also need ot join in on the fun.. and that means he has to lean over EXTRA far for his little fingers to reach. And then that disrupts the delicate balance and it isn't just his little toes and fingers crowned with suds! But we laugh and take every opportunity to love and life grows sweeter every day!!
Chris did get burnt on his face because of an accident at home on Sunday.. so we would appreciate prayer for his complete healing!!
The Saturday feeding continues... the BTS kiddos have done great at stepping up and helping out. They help all of the little ones that come color a bible picture.. learn a memory verse and sing songs. We have really appreciated the extra hands! If left to their own devices all of those little feet start running and dust starts rolling and chaos ensues. Last Saturday i looked through the window from my place at the fire and saw benches grouped together and children sitting and coloring.. a welcome change! :) These days we recognize many of the sweet faces. We know the ornery ones given to trouble... and have made friends with the timid little guy who was unsure of such light skin.. the newness has worn off and it has become more familiar! Always we walk up the hill with more dirt and sweat then when we had walked down that morning... but with hearts full!
Life is busy... but life is rich! Everyday holds something new. We aren't ever sure what will happen in that time between our climbing out of bed in the morning and falling in bed at night.. but we know that it will be good.. and if we allow, it will bring us closer to Christ and reveal Him in a greater way. Whether it is taking someone to the doctor.. helping with school fees... treating someone to lunch.. or sitting at the table and talking about life with a young lady who has known heartache and hardship more than most could imagine... GOD is good!!! That is something that can never change!
Recently we have seen a need here and have been praying and dreaming about a way to help. We know that we will be given the wisdom and direction from our King that we need.. so we will wait upon Him.. and continue in what He has for us now until He opens the next door!
Thank you to all who lift us in prayer we truly feel it every day! And thank you to all who are supporting us in the endeavor... who have sacrificed to allow us to be here. May the One who sees in secret reward you openly!!
Wherever we are.. whether working or going to school or living in a foreign land.... May we be found burning bright... spreading His light and His love.. "as perpetual incense before the Lord throughout your generations!"

A selfie while she called home